I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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