Your face is a jimmy john
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
