I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
