It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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