We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
