I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
