I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
