My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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