@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
