oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
