My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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