Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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