I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize