so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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