Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
