I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
