he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
