Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
