The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
