youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
