the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
3pm strippers are depressing
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
