roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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