I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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