I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
