It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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