I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
