I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
