Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
