he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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