DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
