i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
