Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
