barbara walters just said penis...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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