Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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