how can u be prego again
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
