Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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