The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
