i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
