I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
