I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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