it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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