so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
