yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
