yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
