Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
