woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
