so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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