It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
