i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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