She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
