I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
