At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
