At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
