Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
