I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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