Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize