He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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