You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
