On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
im six kinds of drunk right now
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
