the condom got lost in my hair
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Shame is for Republicans.
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