So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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