We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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