mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize