It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
