yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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