McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
